Transference

There is, an essential side to living; that does not evaluate life/ but uses it to define a living as we want that living to be. Discarding reality to transfix itself onto what the foundations of love or hate, as desire expects it to be.

This is called transference, and it exists in all those who want what they cannot have: so they lie to themselves in order to get what they want.

Since my dad has been dead for 14 years now; I do consider it fair to use him as an example/ because it is not fair to use the living in ways that uncover what they do. My dad was a “lovely man” for the first thirty years of my life/ but then inherited money, which made him very proud. At about that time; his two best friends died; and his easy happy life ended; because the remaining friend had for too many years used him as the brunt of jokes. A need for conversation; as have we all, at distinct times in our existence.

I lived with him and mom; because tinnitus took over my life at that time/ and most important to me was my trip through the court system of this USA. Because the law is enough; but only when the people enforce it on their judiciary/ and they did not. Because as the one person I demanded an answer from was quite clear: “i am making good money for the first time in my life/ and DON’T YOU do nothing to disturb that”. Which of course change always does.

Nonetheless, life with severe tinnitus (a machinery incident) is very blunt: “live or die”/ and I chose to live with it; as best I could. So none of the things I use to do with dad was truly possible, and I was removed from doing all the work I used to do, for him, with him, etc. but since it was his machinery; and staying when I should have left (neighbors grain bins): that cost me my hearing. He refused to accept I had tinnitus at all/ as my uncles said: “we got it too/ but don’t care much”. So I had no excuse in his mind; because unlike a missing limb; you cannot see tinnitus, other than with effects/ and he refused to accept those; because it led to “his fault too”.

So that is the history, and it changed our relationship severely/ and pride caused him to make decisions that he would never have made before the money; and the pride (an inheritance) he believed money made for, and of him. Pride is: a terrible thing, for us all/ which makes money caustic, and a severe problem for most. It causes most to believe “superior now”/ others to fear “they will steal my money”/ and the demand for obedience now, because they are proud.

 

regardless: he was determined to find new friends, to replace those who had died. He threw aside his religion, believing as teenagers do: “all I have to do is be just like them”/ and they will like me. They did not, and he failed to make good friends. Because the end result of friendship is: you must have the time, and the acceptance of freedoms to be as you are. Few allow more than those, who already exist: because friendship requires you to share, and time is limited, along with the need to care; as is constant. So, it is not as simple as it seems; you need to contribute to their lives, in a way that makes them happy to know you. If not, the animals will use you, or abuse you to make themselves superior as is pride. Therefore we know, that once friendships are made; that small group will do what it takes to keep from being divided further/ so that I am not refused by the group. Because we are all limited in what we can or will give to someone else.

I will add to this the following constructions, to our relationship:

1. going to court sent a long list of policing agencies to “our door”/ which made him afraid.
2. Going to court, and demanding attention from the most powerful people in America/ made him afraid.
3. Proving the money he was so proud of was in fact fraudulent/ made him angry.
4. Proving the world itself was threatened with tragedies, because of choices being made/ caused “uneasiness”.
5. Being threatened with melanoma, made him “uneasy/ and it did kill him”.
6. Unable to understand me, or why I would choose what I had chosen: caused contempt.
7. Removing the covering of religious belief; by proving realities exist/ caused distress. Because even though he went back to those beliefs, they did not protect him as before.
8. And then I started the process of “40 years” of being assaulted by noise was enough/ and he and my mom believed I had cost them their friends and community, because of it. No small thing/ yet unlikely. Nonetheless, they were so against it: I surrendered the cause.
9. My nine month old nephew died of a brain tumor; and there was no escape. Which removed me from his initial belief, “I was something more spiritually”.

 

this too is the history.

So the question is: WHAT THEN is the transference, to be described?

Answer: he then blamed me, for any and all elements of his life that were unhappy/ and he blamed my mom, his wife as well; because “she had problems too”. That is transference; because it takes from his own desire to be happy, and have friends to play with/ from his own reality, to something I did to him. Even though it was not true.

The cost of that accumulated; until he unleashed it in a hardware store, with every word he said intended to belittle, and make me “worthless”. I was simply going to help a doctor I knew.

Nonetheless we had rode together, and I found no value in walking twenty miles back home. So we returned together; and no apology existed; as is “he was now certain”. Or, as is the reality of it “judged by his god”.

So we separated as much as possible, no apology ever came. But as life was ending for him: I confronted with; “you are not my daddy anymore”/ but then added we are equals at the end. That lit his fuse, and he unleashed at the lawyers everything he could think of, and all the gossip, ridicule, and assumptions, he had ever heard about me surfaced; as an intent to make me cry. He was unsuccessful, as I never listened/ but he did succeed in disrupting family as intended.

The purpose: his eternity was in jeopardy, unless he looked at what hate had done; and repented of it. A week or two later, I saw in him the dad I used to know; at least somewhat/ and I know that he did survive into eternity.

The lesson is: life can change, and it will as time goes on. Because we cannot keep what we do value most. Becoming angry will not help. Judging others will not help. Throwing your life away for friendships will not help. Worshiping your beliefs will not help. Only what is true survives, and what is true in you decides: what life, and eternity, will be.

As for me; the cost of life has been change. Simple as that, creating again and again the demand: living is no longer going to be the same. Nothing is more certain of that, than searching into the female world; for an answer needed to keep this world alive. I was, so surprised there is no exit/ nor understanding as it is such a different world, “I know nothing”. Even though women seem “much the same” they are not.

Reality has chosen for me: after almost 20 years. Life seems to have died for male now, as female begins to enter. Don’t even know what that means?

So as to all the “macho men/ as was my dad”; go ahead and ridicule, because it is not a game. Not homosexual/ not transvestite/ not transgender/ or any other deviation from what is true. It is simply: the biblical prediction of Revelation 12 “delivery of a new way of life”/ and revelation 17; 3 she takes over “a beast/ which is the imagery for male”. Turns out, its me.

Yes I know: . but it is true. Not a single clue how it ends, or what life will be from here for me? All I know at this moment is: male is never going to be the same as it was; anymore. That day is over.

As for you however: the evidence of world extinction is very clear/ change or you will die as a world! So says the evidence/ prove it is not so.